One hard lesson

It is evident to me that the one who beholds high expectations, begets bitter disappointment.

The one who is expectant is grossly surprised. I’ve heard people so if you want something enough you’ll get it, or something along those lines. Do you think those people discovered that portion of the tongue that discovers such such tangs of olives and the bite of the humble lemon. I think they went, they saw and they conquered the sweet side of life. The side most commonly traveled by those lucky folk. I was selected to attend a leadership camp for my high school. They carefully explained that not all that are selected are promised leadership positions.

By the end of the camp I was very excited and felt very confident. I had applied for Deputy Head Boy, Head of Sport and as a Peer Support. I returned on sign out day highly expectant of obtaining the Head of Sport position based on my abilities and my results at camp. Turns out they could not offer me any positions and was turned down all positions except for Peer Support. Of course being greatly disappointed I posted my feelings on facebook as the lowly emotional teenager I am. But more recently I had developed strong feelings for someone that I had known for a good half year or so.

I felt amazing around this person and they made it very obvious that they also felt rather fantastic in my presence. This continued with our communication via txt, facebook and social gatherings which increased exponentially. I made it clear that I have trouble asking her in particular out and she made it equally clear that the man asks out the lady. She specifically didn’t want to be asked out via electronic device and i rightfully didn’t want to ask in that method anyway. So on Christmas Eve I wrote her a letter, on Christmas Day at 1:00am I placed it in her letterbox along with a box of Scorched Almonds.

At this point I was adamant that she’d say yes. I was waiting for her to say yes. I was going to be with her and I was so happy. 4 days, 20 hours and 11 mins later she says no via facebook. I believe the lesson is now : “It is the fool who beholds the highest expectations, begets the bitterest of disappointments.”

I suppose this requires for me to not expect anything good. If you have anything to say, say it. Whether it be constructive, deconstructive, positive or negative.

The nature of the heart

Love, hate, jealousy, forgiveness, humility, sympathy, empathy, envy, admiration and desperation.
All of these things aren't real and yet they exist. No one can see this, touch this or hear this, and yet we feel it, sense it and acknowledge it. I've experienced all of these and I think not of their importance but of their collateral damage and healing, the breaking and the bonding. The power of such things, coursing through everyone and it;s potential extraordinary. The pain it causes runs so deep it can drive people insane and to death, and yet can soothe and energize people to great heights and places. It keeps people alive when they have nothing else. What is this mysterious thing that is not made of matter, but we feel it, completely invisible and yet we can see it, produces no sound and yet we still hear it. This impossible force that everyone contains and wields but is uncontrollable and undivertable. I sense it dwell and stir within me and it overcomes me. I wish I could understand this so I can reflect it to others. This thought-provoking, throat choking, fire stoking ember that kindles the fire of life itself. That which stands for love and passion, but is a thing of destruction and devastation. That which can link people together in unity, but divides ones in secrecy. In the shadows of the heart lie things of ghastly and grotesque natures, that yet bloom without attendance and attention. That once they step forth, cause the mind to work unexpectedly and against conscious thought. So much like a weed and yet one that cannot be doused. The flowers of the heart also bloom unexpectedly but easily lost if not realized, if not attended. So why is it that the beautiful things of the heart are so hard to work for, and the ugly and unwanted so easy to grasp, just a simple thought can provoke the everlasting seed to flourish. I understand that others cool these emotions or feelings, I don't give them a name because the are so varied and unexpected. I'll call it the nature of the heart

To one greater than one

We've been together for over a week
From that 1 o'clock Sunday we constantly speak
We txt and we talk till our parents say done
The teachers say "move" on the count of one

We love our time together and think it is grand
And yet the time falls like the small grains of sand
The time flies faster than we can all blink
And more than a waterfall dives into the drink

We think of each other as greater than gold
And think of ourselves as special as coal
But continued the fires burn with this new fuel
With the world still shaking without magnitude

When I sing from my heart when I'm thinking of you
Then i feel settled like the grass and the dew
I shall talk Elizabethan once as you'll see
Thou feels strong and empowered as thy listens to thee

To the one who's presence is greater than one
You'll hear my heart beat from more miles than some

My journey of love

Well last year's august i met her at Ocean Spa. I didn't think i had any chance with her. Turns out she felt the same with me. well we started talking and

then humouring, then flirting then me showing off haha. A couple days later we decided to go with her best mate and my mate who were going out with each other

(her best mate + my mate = couple) into Napier. We started walking around town and everything just clicked. We started holding hands, walking through

town staring at each other every now and then. It just felt like we were meant to be together. we didn't even ask each other out we knew what we wanted

and then we had it. A few days after our first date her mum took her to australia. but i didn't really care she was going there cause i had this feeling,

this instinct that we would be together again. i thought it was only gonna be for a few months but weeks turned to months and before i knew it it had been a year.

she left on the 19th of august 2008. she returns on sunday the 13th of december. it's been 1 year, 4 weeks and 2 days since she was in New Zealand

she comes back in 2 days

i want to scream it to the world

there was one point when we both thought we wouldn't see each other again. But we kept talking when we could, me helping her through the tough times.

being the rock and now it all pays off

to me it's like winning the lotto of life. There was a very slim chance of me being the winner, all the odds agaisnt me and i won

remembering everything we did on the first date

everything that happened at ocean spa

everything that happend on the journey

i love her and she loves me. right now it's the only thing that matters

the journey started long and strenuous. now i only hope we can begin anew with strengthened feelings.

a new beginning can only exist at the ending of an old beginning. i hope we never have to end this one

If you find love and you know in your heart it's meant to be, don't let it go. it will be the most rewarding feeling in the world. don't ever take love as a game of fools and dramatics. i was never dramatic and i was never a fool. if you think it is for dramatics and fools. then i must be the most dramatic and the biggest fool

The Dark, The Rain and The Run

Last night I went for a run at about 8:45.
I had no reason just had a lot of energy.
I had had dinner about 1 and a half hours earlier and I felt the food and the liquid swish around, the body trying to do it's thing while I was trying to make it do something else.
When I left the house it was kinda dark, you could clearly see houses without the need of the orange glow but the sun was unseen

about 3 mins into the run it started raining and I thought it would stop, ease up and let me do my thing
It didn't, about another 10 mins in it started getting harder, louder, causing my eyes to be squinting and winking and getting worse because the light was darker.
I was passing by the Knightsbridge round-about and a car came and I sped up so i wouldn't get run over. I continued on trying to do my own thing while I was being distracted by the rain, becoming anxious in the dark and being motivated by cars who saw this white teenager running directly past them.
I pushed on further, going down Mission Road I passed my cousins house. Lights on, he's definitely in his room I thought to myself.
I was pushing down Church Road, over the bridge I saw 2 male teens and 1 female teen smoking, trying to fish and one of the guys trying to get "some" and failing...

I laughed, carried on and arrived home at about 9:07

From this run I found that there is a lesson to be learned.
No matter what distracts you, no matter what tries to blind or fool you and no matter what scares you there is always a motivator and something to humour yourself near the end to help you do your OWN thing.
The funny thing could be something you did during the journey or you simply thinking why didn't I do this earlier

Life is full of these examples, whether it be following a religion, trying to lose weight or get healthy, or meeting new people and getting out there to show your true self

"Meeting new people and getting out there to show your true self"
Ask yourself why you don't want to show your true self to people. That's all other people want.

The Distraction = Judgement
The Scare = Judgement
The Motivator = Yourself
The Funny = Why didn't I do this earlier

First Post

Hey guys welcome to this post which you probably won't see

Life is confusing in many ways but the way that confuses me the most is the misjudgment of labeling people.

They don't wait to see whether they are good, bad or even neutral people.

They base them on how they look and what they do.

They may be dressed in black for a perfectly good reason or may have had to get a job at the mortuary.

By looking at them and judging them is not how you find out a true person's personality.

You find it by talking to the person, socializing with them and being a good person by asking questions, answering questions and be understanding.

No good comes out of assuming how a person acts, out of assuming how they think or what they think of you.

They may look angry or upset but they may not be. Their facial muscles may be configured like that.

Or people that may be disabled or handicapped (yes I know they're the same)

They don't want to be judged or assumed. They want friends, family and colleagues just like you and I.

All I have to say now is.

Next time you see someone, don't just look at them and think "Oh he looks gumby, I'm not gonna talk to him... retard." Think how good a person they may be, think hey they may positively affect your life, or even others lives.
I'm sure that you have been judged and assumed of by others. Or think how it hurts them, if it were inflicted on you

Think, how did it feel? How would it feel?
I could even go to the extreme by saying that by judging people your socially handicapping them.

"Don't condemn others, and God won't condemn you. God will be as hard on you as you are on others. He will treat you exactly as you treat them.
You can see the speck in your friend's eye, but you don't notice the log in your own eye. How can you say 'My friend. let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you don't see the log in your own eye?"